"It Don't Mean a Thing..."

Today, I flipped out for the first time. Like really flipped out.

That happened towards the end of the day, though. Let’s start from the beginning.

The day started off rather well. As I entered the school, I walked through the hallway singing Duke Ellington’s “It Don’t Mean a Thing” as I celebrated the onset of another Friday. Casual Friday. I strolled down the hall with my brown loafers, pink polo shirt, khakis, gray blazer, and a scarf casually wrapped around my shoulders. Moreover, I was sporting a new haircut. I looked good (opinion), I felt good (fact), and I was ready to teach (fact/opinion).

I began my instructional day working with a student in my Math 1 class. Most of the students were out of the class due to a JROTC ceremony in which they were participating; therefore, I was able to work mostly one-on-one with one of my students. My coteacher played the album, “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” in the background, and the student and I were really making progress. The more we looked at the problems, the more confidence she had in herself and her ability to answer them correctly. “You’re smart, and you can do this,” I told her. “Math is just a series of steps, and you just have to break them down. Do that, and everything will be manageable.” As she nodded and kept working, I thought about my own high school math teacher who told me that I was actually good at math—I just lacked patience. It’s funny how words from so long ago can continue to inspire us and enable us to inspire others.

Next, I had physics. One of the kids saw my new haircut when I came into the classroom and said, “Mr. Seegars got a fresh cut!” I smiled. Then somebody else added, “You can’t say anything to somebody once they have a fresh cut…I’m getting me one after school!” I laughed as my co-teacher began the lesson.

So, physics. Today was one of those days in which I was in an amazing groove. Although, I have been in the class as a co-teacher since earlier in the semester, I felt a sense of comfort and command over what I taught today that I had not felt previously. I had students surrounding me as I explained how to manipulate equations for different variables. I quizzed the students as I urged them to apply their knowledge of kinetic and potential energy at higher levels of thought and analysis. It was so much fun.

Next was the planning period in which I enjoyed a meatloaf and mashed potatoes and gravy microwave dinner. It was absolutely fantastic. I did some paperwork during this time for some of the students on my caseload (special education stuff). Then it was time for the last period of the day:

Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story of that period of the day skilled in all ways of contending. Sing to me of those students, who after lunch have become filled with sugar and salt and proceed to wander through the hallways and ravage the nerves of teachers with brutal savagery.

Today, I flipped out for the first time. Like really flipped out.

So, I was walking through the hallway with a student 15 minutes into the last period. I noticed a group of about 30 students making a lot of noise on the other side of the hallway. I had a lot of stuff to get through, so I just kind of glanced that way in order to see if it was a fight, but it did not seem like it; therefore I continued to walk back to my classroom.

Suddenly, I looked back at the crowd and I saw a student stretched out on top of a cart on his stomach as if it were a surfboard. Another student was pushing him while running at full speed—both were laughing and being followed along by the cheering and laughing crowd of students.

Immediately, I ran toward them screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” The person with the cart pushed it away from him (toward me), and began to run around and past me, just like the rest of the students. The student on the cart ran, too. I ran after all the kids, and zoned in on the kid who had been on the cart.

They ran through double doors, and I ended up grabbing the kid who had been on the cart. He then squirmed away, and took off in the other direction. I ran full speed behind him (still in loafers), while kids cheered, “RUN, RUN, RUN!” I was too upset to let him get away.

Finally, two other teachers stepped in the way and blocked him by the lockers, and when I caught up, I was furious. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, “ I screamed. “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS THAT WAS??!!” I was so upset that I hit the locker.

A battalion of teachers had finally reached the scene, and the hallways cleared up. The student was taken downstairs, but I was in a lousy mood for the rest of the day.

As I was about to leave school, ready for the weekend, one of my physic students saw me. “Have a good weekend Mr. Fresh Cut,” he said. I smiled, and told him to have a good one as well.

I whistled “It Don’t Mean a Thing” as I walked to my car, smiling between phrases.

In Defense of Extracurriculars

Oh, hey.

Teacher: “Does anyone know what macro means?”
Student: “Macaroni?”

There are many moments when students say things – funny things – and I hold my smile or laughter so as not to embarrass a kid or condone something that is inappropriate. This was not one of those moments. I laughed. The student smiled, and then laughed. Other kids laughed. And I laughed again. Then we moved on.

Today was exam day. Now, on the surface it does not seem that bad. I mean, most of the work takes place before the exam. In a perfect world, you backwards plan. That is, you write your unit plan and exam for that period before you actually teach it. In a not-so-perfect world, you plan your unit and have an exam in mind; however, the exam gets written a little closer to the actual exam date. Never mind that now…

Still, in both cases, the majority of the work seems to be done before students actually take the exam. Today proved to be different. My first period class had a study guide that was exactly like their exam. Exactly. I mean the same number of questions and same type of questions that were even in the same numerical spot. Needless to say, there was a drastic difference between the students that did the study guide and those that did not. They were not happy. I was not happy. We told each other. It was not fun.

In a different class, I also scolded students for not reading directions before their test. Maybe I would not have been upset had I not read the directions out loud twice. They were also written in bold font at the top of the test. So I was not in the mood to hear, “What am I supposed to do on the test?”—especially when it was in the same format of the assignments that we had been doing for the past few class periods.

By the end of the day, I was so tired that I was hoping nobody would show up to the mock trial team meeting. I rushed to go print out materials for the meeting and then went to the room. Starting with the last meeting, I now begin our gatherings with a teamwork and concentration exercise. The students have to close their eyes and count to twenty out loud as a group. Somebody must say “one,” then another, “two,” and another, “three,” and so on—all the way to twenty. The catch is that no two students can say a number at the same time. They have to be patient, calm, and attempt to vibe with their teammates. It is an exciting and relaxing exercise that I absolutely love.

Well, after about six tries, the students finally got it, and they were so excited! I was thrilled, too. We started going through the case, and we had great dialogue back and forth. I found myself smiling and laughing: leading the kids as their faculty advisor, but also enjoying myself as their co-conspirator in fun and learning. I was teacher, fellow teammate, mentor, and colleague all at the same time. I had a blast.

I love the kids that I teach during the day, but it is also great to work with students in a different way in extracurricular activities. When I was in high school, there were days when I may have had three different one and a half hour tests in one day. It is neither fun for the students nor the teachers. On those days, I looked forward to those activities about which I was most passionate: musical rehearsal, barbershop quartet practice, going over some scenes for the Black History production. Those lifted my entire day.

Today reminded me of how being in a productive environment – as I would categorize most useful extracurricular activities – outside of the normal classroom can keep us both sane and stable.

Note Fail

I wrote this note as a pass for a student to enter class late. Apparently, my handwriting is so bad that the teacher accused her of forging it, and I had to walk her to class...haha.

Apparently, I was also supposed to mark a date and time...

Hope Renewed is Strength Uncovered

“I’m too tired to work Mr. Seegars.”
“What?”
“I’m too tired. I’m not doing any work.”
“Umm, that’s not really an option. You are here to work, and I know you can do it.”
“You cannot tell me what my body can do.”
“Do you need to go to the nurse?”
“No. I just don’t want to work.”
“That is not going to work. You have 20 seconds to start writing before I start dialing.”

In my math study skills class, I had a student decide that he was having a bad day (at 9am, mind you), and that he did not feel like doing any work. That did not go over quite so well with me. After a number of measures that ended with him being removed from class for a few minutes and then brought in at the end of class so that he could hear me call his mother, he still refused to control his temper while I discussed with his mom possible days for him to stay after school for detention.

In the same class, I danced toward a student as her cell phone went off. The dance peaked at a smooth outstretching of my hand in order to collect the phone. At the same time, I was teaching students how to identify polynomials, and while trying to relate the term “poly” to polygons in order to help them understand the definition of polynomial, I heard a voice in my head saying, “What in the world are you talking about?” Yeah. I definitely could have planned that better. Luckily, I realized the students were not getting what I was saying, and I explained it in a different, more understandable manner. However, crucial time had already been lost.

As I went to go talk to a student on my caseload in order to gain some information, I walked into a classroom. When I stepped into the classroom, another student remarked with disgust, “I hate that man. He sent me to the office.” This was the guy who told me to shut up weeks earlier when I was standing in for another teacher. The teacher in the current classroom told him it was inappropriate for him to say that, and I just smiled and said, “Have a great day!”

Now, in my last period class, social skills, things got interesting. For the warm up, I asked students to explain their favorite extracurricular activity and why they liked it. After prodding some students to participate, one girl finally said she liked football the most. “Why? I asked. She smiled and stated, “Cuz the sexy boys are hitting each other.” Needless to say, I was slightly taken aback. “Ummm, we don’t need to say it like that, do we?” Her response: “I also like seeing those ugly boys get knocked around.”

“Okay, thank you very much. We are going to move on to the next person now.”

Then, the students were working on another exercise in which they had to list one social skill that they thought that they could improve upon as well as one positive thing about a partner. I asked them to share these with each other. Then, I asked them to say out-loud their positive statement about their partner. The funniest moment was when a girl said that her partner was handsome. At the time, he was combing his hair, so I told him that his looks, apparently, were not what he needed to work on. “Therefore, you can put the comb away, please. Thank you!”

He and I had a few moments that period. He decided he wanted to argue with people, so I had to move him into the “my partner” space. Basically, he had to sit right next to me. He had some words to express how he felt about that, and I just asked him to write them down so that I could read them later; whatever it was, I did not want him disrupting the class. He declined to write his comments down, citing that I might use them in court against him.

I still like the kid a lot. He has so much potential, and can really be involved sometimes. We are just going to have to figure out how to control that anger and the outbursts. It’s definitely doable.

After work, I had an observation review with my program director since she observed me today. It was very helpful, and, as always, I left feeling rejuvenated. I have a much better understanding of what I need to work on in order to lead my students to success.

Hope renewed is strength uncovered. I will get better.

Full Week Reflection

It has been a while since my last post. This past week was exhausting. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. So, not only did I feel like I did not have the time to write, but I also had difficulty being able to sit down and articulate my frustration.

It is good I waited until the end of the week to post.

The special education audit taking place took its toll on me this week. At multiple times, I was completely overwhelmed. It was not because the paperwork was too difficult; rather, I felt like it was more than I had bargained for. I heard that the paperwork for special education was a lot, but I could not have imagined how much it would be—especially because I have to go back and correct other people’s errors. On top of that, I still am not even completely sure how to fill out all the forms, and I still do not have my own account to complete things online; therefore, I have to use coworkers’ accounts. The catch: an account can only be logged onto one computer at a time. So when I want to use somebody else’s account, they cannot be using it at that time.

Furthermore, the exorbitant amount of paperwork takes me away from my students. The decreased time with my students has affected me the most. I know that they are not doing as well as they can without me in the classroom. Moreover, I know that I am not getting better as a teacher, since I spend so much time out of the classroom. I see other first year TFAers growing and improving at lesson planning, but I do not see the same growth in myself. So, yes, I am emotionally exhausted.

It is good I waited until the end of the week to post.

By the middle of the week, it was clear that the pressure of the audit was building, and there were tons of things out of my control taking place. I could not control how paperwork was handled before me. I could not control what the district wanted from me. I could not control when parents signed documents or returned phone calls. I could not control the fact that I could not get certain work done online because I still have not been completely trained in the program.

Stop, Lumumba. Just stop. Locus of control. What can I do? What is in my locus of control?

It is good I waited until the end of the week to post.

See, whenever I have difficulties, I usually stop to think of the TFA guiding principles: relentless pursuit of results, sense of possibility, disciplined thought, respect and humility, and integrity. I think about all of these each day, and every once in a while, one of them moves to the center of my thinking. This week disciplined thought did. With disciplined thought, I thought of my locus of control and began to crowd out all of my other negative thoughts.

All of that other stuff was true. It was frustrating. I was angry. I was annoyed. I mean, I am human. But I thought about what was in my locus of control. I thought about the fact that the audit is here, and it is taking place for a reason. I am here to serve these students, and they deserve to have special education teachers doing their paperwork properly. Okay, people have not been completely doing their jobs in the past. Well, it is my problem now. It is my job now. Fair? No, not at all. Is the achievement gap fair? No, not at all. Are some of the situations my students deal with at home fair? No, not at all.

It is good I waited until the end of the week to post.

The paperwork is not about me, it is about the students. I can do it now. I can get over this hump now. Soon, I will be back fully in the classroom. Then, I will keep struggling probably. But I will get better. I went to parts of my self contained classes this week, and I can already see some changes.

One student with whom I have had some trouble led the affirmation in my social skills class this Friday. He read it passionately. Afterward, he said excitedly, “Look at me read!” Yes, he can read. Not as well as he should. But he is going to get better. I am going to help him get better.

It is good I waited until the end of the week to post.

Reflection is essential. There is no way I could maintain a sense of possibility or positivity if I did not reflect on not only my actions, but also my mindset. My attitude is vital to my job performance. I cannot go through the day-to-day adventure of teaching and emerge happy without meditating on both what went wrong and what went right.

In my certification class this week, we talked about how we usually focus on negative things. This was the same class in which I spilled hot coffee all over myself, but will not dwell on that. In this class, we talked about the importance of looking at the positive things.

Even writing this post has been therapeutic. I feel better now. I am riding in the car on the way back from Nashville with Matt (my roommate). When I began the post, Matt asked me what was going to be the take home point of this post. I told him that I would vent my frustration with the audit process but then say that seeing the kids makes it all worth it. Matt, knowing very well how exhausted I was this past week, then asked me, “Was it really worth it?” “No,” I said, “But it made it bearable.” Matt answered, “Good, do not hyperbolize.”

Well, I am at the end of this post, and I can say that it is more than bearable, it is more than worth it. It is necessary. I am extraordinarily lucky to be able to work with these students. And even if I am not as much in the classroom as I hope to be right now – even if I am not as good of a teacher that I could be at this moment – these children are my motivation for getting out of bed each morning. If I have to complete a ton of paperwork right now so that they get the services they need, then I will concentrate on my locus of control and get it done.

Last week is over, and a new week begins.

Compassionate Anger?

I have been crazy tired this week, so I have not had time to talk about everything that happened; however, there are a few events I will highlight before I discuss my reflections on today’s events and the week as a whole.

• On Wednesday, the power in my school went out for about 45 minutes. The power outage began while the students were in the hallway going from their 3rd period to their 4th period classes. Needless to say, it was quite the mess. I felt like a real adult as I sifted through the hallway barking orders at students, telling them to slow down, stop running, and get to class.
• I have implemented a new strategy in my classroom consequences. Between being isolated and having a phone call home, students now have to write a one-page essay for me. I give them the topic. I explained to them that it is not punishment. Instead, their inappropriate behavior would be turned into a learning experience. So far, three people have essays. Their topics are Nat Turner, Sojourner Truth, and Benjamin Banneker. They do not know this yet, but I plan on discussing their essays with them afterward. Hopefully, learning about their history will help them to see beyond their own circumstances and have a different outlook on their own behavior.
• We had our first mock trial meeting! It seemed like the students were interested, and I am really excited about moving forward.

So, let’s talk about today. First, I was giving a test to some students. In the middle of a test, a student blurted out, “f*ck this.” Wow. So, I said, “excuse me, you need to come here.” Then other students—the ones around him who had laughed after it happened—said that he was asleep and that it was somebody else. Now, I was about 90% sure that he had done it; however, the students around him were trying to cover for him. So I asked, “well, who said that?” Then one student, trying to be brave, I guess, said that he had done it.

Let’s pause for a second. This class was one of my inclusion classes, and the general education teacher was not there today; therefore, there was another teacher—a sub—in the room at the same time.

Back to the story. So, I asked him again, knowing that I had an adult witness, if he had done it. He said yes. I took him outside, and asked him yet again. “Yes.” “Okay, let’s go,” I told him. So, we went down to the “infraction room,” and immediately he got nervous. Why? Because within two minutes of us being there, another kid was getting handcuffed in front of him. Yep.

Now, I knew he was not going to get handcuffed, but I was pretty sure that he was going to get suspended. When it was his turn to talk to the administrator, I described what happened. Then, he decided he wanted to say that he did not do it. I reminded him that he told me he did it, and I had an adult witness to back me up. “You told me you did it, so you are going to take the blame for it,” I coldly asserted. “Tell me who did it, and you can go back upstairs.” After the administrator actually started completing the form, he finally stated, “It was who you originally said it was.” I went back to the classroom, got the other student, brought him down, explained the situation, and he got suspended.

The student who originally was going to take the blame told him, “I can’t do this man; I’m already on probation.”

I appeared resolute at the moment, but in my mind and my gut I was terribly torn. I felt bad for him. I could tell he did not want to get into more trouble. The kids called him a snitch when he came back in the room. On the other hand, though, small behaviors like that (blurting out and cursing in class) with no consequence, lead to the type of behavior that got that other kid in handcuffs. I had to be firm.

I go back and forward—sometimes feeling angry at the actions of the students, and other times feeling sympathy for many of the trials they must endure. But I guess I can be hard on them and still care. Tough love, right? I am not always so sure. Sometimes, I get really angry. I just cannot believe some of the things students say to teachers, let alone each other.

When it comes down to it, I cannot choose between anger and compassion—both have a place. These students, like many other poor kids of color in urban communities, live in a reality plagued with ills both internal and external. They are afflicted by ills stemming from unforgivable elements of our own culture (the Black community) as well as entrenched disparities caused by persisting structural inequalities from the broader society.

I guess I get so angry because it is personal. I could have easily been in their shoes.

Good question

I woke up this morning at 2:30am with the lights on, realizing that I fell asleep with my computer and papers next to me. Confused and half asleep, I reset my alarm so that I could wake up earlier and get some more work done. Then, I put my things away, shuffled out of my clothes, turned out the lights, and fell into bed. Two and a half hours later, I pressed the snooze button—and then continued to do so for an hour. My body told me it was not accepting anything earlier than 6am.

Luckily, I bought a new coffeemaker this weekend! So, I stumbled out of bed, got my stuff together, and made a French vanilla roast. I decided to wear a suit so that I would feel good about the day—superficial, I know, but so helpful! If anybody watches “How I met your mother”, you know that “suiting up” can be a powerful mental tool!

A kid asked this question today: “Why do I have to listen to you if you are only 5 years older than me?” Good question.

We talked about position authority versus earned authority today in my social skills class. Position authority is when a person has “certain powers as defined by the source of the title” or the position he or she holds. Earned authority is “power granted by other members of the group” (“From School to Work” Littrell, Lorenz, and Smith, 2000, pg 183-84—I know this citation is bootleg, but, hey, I’ve been out of college for a while ☺).

Ironically, this lesson was planned before this student said the aforementioned comment earlier in the day. Fortunately, for the both of us, he had calmed down by that point and actually wanted to participate in class. We had a very productive, candid discussion about dealing with authority.

Originally, I was not happy that students found out how old I am. As evidenced by the student’s remark, I thought it would undercut my authority. However, as I taught the class about different types of leadership and authority, I learned a valuable lesson myself: I had to earn my authority.

See, I already have position authority: I am the teacher. I am in charge. I give out the grades. Yet, the process of gaining earned authority is much more demanding. I have to earn the respect and develop relationships with the students. They have to know that I am there to help them—not just control them. They have to know that I am consistent. That I am firm, that I care. That I am compassionate, that I am not a pushover.

This earned authority, my textbook tells me, is much more powerful than position authority. It is the basis for a partnership—the impetus toward collaboration, for trust and understanding. Because of my age, I believe I will have to work harder to move from position authority to earned authority. Then, and only then, will I truly be able to truly inspire my students and start to motivate them to reach their highest potential.

One day, my children...

So many crazy things happened this past week. The most hilarious was probably on Friday when a student told me that he was going to try to get me fired. Okay, maybe that is not hilarious, but it is interesting.

On Friday, I also had a student use the phrase, “That’s so gay,” when trying to articulate why something was undesirable. I decided to stop the class, and explain why it was inappropriate to use that phrase and why it is offensive. He decided he wanted to use the phrase again later, so then I made him write sentences. He did not want to cooperate, so I had to call his parents. Then he wrote his sentences. We are still going to have another conversation about it—I expect my classroom to be a safe and respectful space for everyone.

Today (Saturday), we had a professional development—called “power”—for TFA. While we were going over stuff, I could not help but think about all the things that I can do better.

I need better assessments, better lesson plans, and more parent contact. I need to be more organized, I need to have more discipline, and I need to use my time more efficiently. Put simply, I need to be better—a lot better.

The hardest part is not ignorance of my ability to do better; rather, it is most difficult knowing that I am not doing the best that I can. At some point between knowing what I should be doing and feeling tired and confused, I fall into survival mode—trying to keep my head above water each day—and do not give my students what they fully deserve.

I know I can do better. I know that I should do better. I am just not always sure how to do that—how to muster the energy and sift through all the things going on in a given day. I know it will not all happen in one day. I will have to focus on a few things, while knowing that I am still not good at others. This will be hard. I am used to wanting everything to be fixed when it is wrong, but I have to prioritize. Otherwise, I will just continue to feel overwhelmed.

I know that it is supposed to be tough, challenging, and difficult, but it is so hard to see past my ineffectiveness right now. Judging by how well my students did on their assessments, I can objectively say that my students are not – or, have not been – learning. But with data, there is with knowledge. And with knowledge, power. And with power, the ability to change course—to change direction. To teach, to learn. To learn to teach. To teach and produce learning. These are possibilities, which, in and of themselves, stretch my lips outward and upward into a hopeful smile.

One day, my children…

It's not personal, just business.

Today, the seniors had to take a writing test for graduation. While they took the test, the freshmen and sophomores took practice tests in order to prepare for their junior year. I sat over a class of sophomores during this time period. It was…interesting? Imagine a group of kids, many of whom that I do not know at all, stuck in a room for a couple of hours taking a test that they believe does not matter at all. It was quite the adventure.

Before the test, I outlined my expectations: no cell phones—if I see it, I take it; if you do not want to give it to me, then you can go down to the office and eventually give it up and have to pay to get it back. No talking. No food or drink. Pretty standard stuff that they hear just about every day. Somewhere, somehow, they decided that it was too much to ask.

Like I said, I did not know the kids. I did not know most of their names, and I could not call their parents since I had no phone numbers (believe me, just because you ask a student for the number, that does not mean you will get the right one). I also knew that I could not put half the class out. Therefore, I relied on a series of calling people out in the hallway, telling people to stand outside, and moving people to different seats. I will, however, give a few highlights:

• A student decided she did not want to give me her cellphone, and I had to walk her all the way to the infractions room. I told them that she was not to leave without giving up her phone and being required to pay for it in order to get it back.
• A student got up, and I asked him what he was doing. His response: “Ain’t none of your business.” I pulled him outside to have a conversation.
• This same student told me to “shut up” later on. I sent him down to the infractions room, and another teacher called his mom later.
• A student asked me, “how did you get that thing on your forehead?”
• I had to put multiple students out of my classroom that just walked in from God knows where. All I know is that they had no business being in my class room.
• A student told me she hated me as she walked out the door. I smiled and told her to have a nice day.

It was not the best couple of hours of my life, but I got through it. I stayed on them, kept reinforcing my expectations, and took nothing personally. Do not take it personally—it will tear you up inside.

On the other hand, my social skills period went well. The students enjoyed the period, and I got really excited when talking about leadership and authority. We were talking about who gave Barack Obama his authority as President. One student answered, “Congress?” Another student, “the Supreme court?” “No!” I responded to both. “From whom does the President get his authority?” I asked again.

Finally, one student says, rather hesitantly, “From me?” “Yes,” I said. Then another student, “From me!” “Yes!” “From me!” “Yes!!! Anybody else?” “From him?” (pointing). “Yes!” At this point, I was standing. Then, jumping up and down, I started screaming and pointing: “From you, and you, and you, and you, and from me!!!” “Mr. Seegars, why are you always acting like you’re in church?”

I must say, something did take hold of me. I was so excited in that moment, and I got swept up in a wave of emotion that consisted of love and hope for my students. And, yes, I did take that personally.

Let's play tag?

I went back up to Cambridge/Boston this past weekend, and I had a delayed flight late last night; consequentially, I was pretty tired when I got to school this morning. I was even too tired to make myself some lunch, so I stopped at McDonalds before work and bought two sausage biscuits to be my midday fuel—this, however, will definitely not become a habit.

I spent about half the day teaching and the other half of the day doing paperwork and conducting a parent/student meeting. Tomorrow I am going to have to focus only on paperwork. A student from one of my math classes asked me today, “When are you coming back?!” I told her that I was coming back very soon, and I missed being in there with them. I was ambivalent about the exchange because I was happy that they wanted me back; however, I was sad that I had not been there.

In my last period (social studies) class, it was an adventure as usual. Today’s adventure started off with a student asking me, “What are you looking at?” when he saw me looking at him. I was like, “what?” And asked him to repeat what he said—he then repeated it. “Step outside,” I said immediately.

We had a conversation, and then we returned to the classroom. Later, on we had to leave again—then he decided he wanted to play a game of tag. That is, he wanted to run around the school have me chase him. While he ran, I walked at a fast pace and called out to the hall monitors to catch him. He finally ran out of breath, and I took him down to talk to my department head. I called his mom after school and set up a parent conference. I hope it helps.

I had a talk with another student after school. It was the one who jumped at me the other day. It was a good discussion, and I can see that he really wants to work on his behavior. I told him I do not expect him to be perfect, but that I want to see steady improvement each day. I know that it won’t be easy, but I’m optimistic that we will get some good work done together.

One day at a time...

Today marks the end of my seventh week of teaching. I did less teaching than usual this week (since I had to basically do paperwork all day); however, I did get to do a little work with my social skills class because I needed to test their reading and writing levels.

Yesterday, some of the students decided they did not want to cooperate in that class. I walked back into the classroom with about 5 minutes left, and I saw one student pacing back and forward. I asked him to sit down, but he said that he could not sit down because he had to use the bathroom. I then told him that he needed to sit down and wait until the end of class.

Now, at this point, he was leaning over a desk and not looking at me while I was speaking to him. I said, repeatedly (about three times), “you need to sit down.” Finally, he jumps up at me as if he were going to hit me and yells, “MAN WHAT?!” The other students began to laugh.

I was not laughing. In fact, I looked at him, thinking to myself: “Calm down, Lumumba. Just calm down.” The students kept laughing until the saw my face. I asked him, rather slowly, “Are you out of your mind?” Then he tried to walk away. I called out to him to come back and told him that he needed to stay after class. The bell rang about 30 seconds later, and all the students began to leave. He started to walk out the door, saying that he was not going to stay. I looked at him sternly and said, “That is not a decision you want to make right now.”

Maybe it was something about the tone of my voice, or the glare in my eyes, or my body language—but somehow, he could really tell how serious – and furious – I was, so he came back. Meanwhile, one last girl was taking her time getting her stuff together until I agitatedly told her to hurry up and do whatever she needed to do later. I wanted all the students out except for him.

As soon as she left, I lowered my voice to an almost whisper, and said, “Don’t you ever do that again.” I repeated this about 10 times with my voice going up and down. I do not think I have ever been so visibly angry with a student. I told him that he was never to physically threaten a teacher like that again. He remarked, “Yeah.” And I shot back, “Now is not the time to say ‘yeah’ to me.” And he responded, “Yes Sir.” I told him to leave, and then I called his parents.

He saw me today, and made it clear that he was mad at me for “snitching” on him. I laughed and told him that it was my job to tell everything—the good and the bad.

On a different note, I really feel like I have been making a connection with the students. Specifically, I have enjoyed learning more about the students on my caseload and presenting myself as an advocate for them, as opposed to somebody who just wants to get them in trouble. Being able to work with students and their families on a more individual level is, I think, my favorite part of being a special education teacher. I see them for the kids they are during their moments of weakness, and I delight in their moments of strength as I marvel at their ability to persevere through incredible challenges. Put simply, they inspire me. I demand their best, and I can give them no less.

The student that jumped at me has also volunteered to read the affirmation in front of the class. The girl that I almost gave up on gave me a hug today in the hallway. A student who once threatened to “beat my a**” now asks for help regularly and greets me in the hallway.

There are ups and downs, but what must stay constant is my sense of purpose. I am not in the classroom to be a dictator. I am there to fight an enormous problem, the achievement gap, one student at a time—one word, one math problem, one smile, one tardy, one tutorial, one class, one parent conference, one progress report, one life at a time.

It is this sense of purpose that sustains me. When a kid jumps at me, I may get angry in the moment—but I know what this kid can be. Forgiveness, compassion, perseverance—all are necessary for this line of work. I love my job.

There's a Lily in the Valley

Because of the flood, we had the day off yesterday. It was good to have a break, although I am definitely keeping the families that had tremendous damage to their homes, as well as those who lost loved ones, in my prayers.

Today was another day of paperwork, although it definitely had its funny moments. While going through the red folders, a coworker of mine sang to herself next to me. Now, if you know me, you know that I tend to burst out singing randomly. Since I am new to the job, I have been trying to contain myself so that I don’t seem like a crazy guy singing through the hallway.

This restraint, for better or worse, has been rather unsuccessful. I can be heard singing alone in my classroom, in the middle of a lesson, or even while walking down the hall. So when I heard my coworker singing, I joined in without even thinking. Pretty soon, I began leading a rendition of “Lilly in the Valley”:

“There’s a Lily, my God, in the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Oh, oh, Lily—in the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Lily! In the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Amen. Amen. Amen!”

It was a ton of fun, and I remembered how much I miss singing in a choir. I also have not touched a piano since I left Harvard. I am planning on starting voice lessons again, but I have not gotten around to completing my research for a teacher.

Today, I met with one of my inclusion teachers in order to discuss the students in our class. It felt so great to be able to focus our conversation around data. Even though all the numbers are not good, the data really helped direct the discussion. Furthermore, the data helped me to be more confident in myself when suggesting solutions. Although I am usually a pretty confident person, I have had problems being confident with some of my co-teachers. One of the difficulties of inclusion is that I feel like I was going into another teacher’s “territory.” It is not necessarily something the co-teacher says; rather, I think it has a lot to do with me still acclimating to a new environment. But with the data, and after building a relationship with the teacher and students, I have been able to (better) understand my place in the classroom and feel more comfortable advocating for my students.

After work, I went to a workshop at the TFA office focused on mental health and dealing with stress. I think it was very helpful. I feel the need to sing again, to play the piano, or get on some sort of stage and perform. The title of this blog alludes to how happy singing and performing has made me. I love teaching, but it has definitely had its toll on me at times. It is so easy to feel inadequate and overburdened.

I cannot work the same way I did in college. I cannot operate on extremely little sleep like I did in college. I cannot stay up all night, take a nap in the middle of the following day, and then get back to studying. I have to be full of energy with each lesson and with each student.

I need to sing again.

Driving in a flood, Tyra Banks in a bathing suit, and Compassion

It’s flooding down here. The rain came down this morning. Some people could not make it to work or school. It was not uniform around the city. It was not that bad where I live, but it was terrible north of the city. The cafeteria at my school was actually flooded. They cancelled all of the extra programs after school so that the students could get home. The rain was pretty bad when I left. A normal, 20-minute commute turned in a one and a half hour drive home. The rain was terrible. The freeway was flooded at my exit, so I had to get off an exit early. The rain came down so hard that I could barely see.

It was a terrible storm. I can look outside of my window right now, and it’s amazing—I can see the sun peering through the clouds. I can see its rays shining through. After a terrible storm that has even taken some people’s lives, the sun shines.

It would be too trite to craft a metaphor comparing this weather to how I feel about my life, my students’ lives, and the lives of many people around the world and our struggles; therefore, I’ll just leave the story for what it is. The sun is quite beautiful right now.

As I said in my last post, I have to spend this week doing paperwork for special education. That said, I have to give busy work to give to the students in order for them to stay occupied. I actually needed to give my social skills class a reading diagnostic that I began a while ago but did not finish, so I went to part of that class period today. Since I was giving some people a test, I needed something that the students could work on individually and that seemed interesting. They had to write an essay. But after that, I had them make a collage about their “ideal day.” I had them cut pictures out of magazines.

Now, I do not have that many magazines; therefore, I had to get a bag of magazines from somebody from TFA. I was incredibly grateful—especially since I’m too cheap to actually go buy magazines. Today, however, I learned an invaluable lesson: always preview the magazines that somebody gives you for your class.

As I was explaining the assignment to my students, I noticed a magazine with Tyra Banks in a bathing suit on the front cover. “Ummm, we’re not going to use this one…” I said, as I fumbled to remove the magazine from the bag without the other kids seeing it. One of them must have seen it since he kept asking me to use the magazine—he remarked rather emphatically, “I can’t make a collage of my ideal day without that picture!” I could not help but laugh. These students are hilarious sometimes.

Today, one of the students in the class led the affirmation. When I asked for volunteers, a few students raised their hands, so I was happy to see that they wanted to get involved with it. I hope the message is starting to set in!

Along different lines, as I was going through the files of students on my caseloads, I saw some of the things my students have been through. And I realized one thing my students definitely need from me as a teacher. Yes, they need me to be motivated, hardworking, and firm. But, on top of all that, they need me to be compassionate.

Why should a student believe that I am there to help her when she cannot even trust me? Why should a student not think that I am just another adult on a power trip if I do not show him that I actually care about his ability to do well? I do not want the students to think that I am just another adult abusing his position—another man bent on exercising control over others in order to cope with his own sense of inadequacy.

No, I have to be compassionate. If I do not care, they will see right through me. The end result is not how well I look in front of an administrator or an evaluator. It is, instead, how I look in their eyes. It is whether or not I can motivate them to find their true potential. Even as a teacher, I cannot reach my true potential until I connect my instruction with their true needs. I need them just as they need me.

“I am because we are.”

After a storm and after relentless rain, the dawning of the sun is quite beautiful.

No, I'm not an assistant teacher--I'm a real teacher. I also like donuts and the Jackson 5.

It was such a long week, and a ton of things happened. Since I haven’t written since Monday, I’m basically just going to list some of the things that happened and reflect on them at the end.

Actually, now that I’m trying to write, the whole week is such a blur, that I don’t really think I can go day by day. I actually could delete all of this, but I think this incoherence demonstrates the state of mind I’m in as well as how much happens in one week. Let me just list some things that happened:

• On Wednesday, a student was not doing her work in class, and I told her that she needed to get back to work. She then remarked that class was over. “No,” I replied, “Class ends at 3:15, and it’s only 3:00. You need to get back to work.” Her response: “You ain’t the teacher. You’re just the assistant teacher. The assistant. Now What?!” I went into the hallway and told a hall monitor to take her out of my classroom. That was that.

• Also on Wednesday, I got to meet with parents of two of my students. Both meetings went really well. One of the parents was from a student in my social skills class. After talking, I suggested that it might be helpful if she comes and actually sits in the classroom during the next class period. She said that she could make it Monday—I’m looking forward to that.

• Also on Wednesday, I had a meeting with my TFA Program Director. As always, it was quite helpful, and we went over some of the things I need to be working on and prioritizing. Mainly, I am going to work on ensuring that my students in my inclusion classes are not getting left behind and that I am tracking their data and using it to make informed decisions.

• Thursday was particularly crazy. We had a meeting scheduled during the day for the Special Education department. The district is really coming down hard on our folders for our students (basically, the collection of legal documents that catalog important things regarding our students’ disability, the evaluation of those disabilities, and the education plans for them). Needless to say, we were told that we have to focus on this for the next week. I really need to finish a reading diagnostic in my class on Monday, so I got permission to go to that one period. Other than that, I will be doing legal paperwork for the next week while at school.

• After school, I spent time at the TFA office tracking data and meeting with my PD, who had observed my class that day. The meeting was useful, and we discussed how I could better integrate social skills and literacy into my social skills class. I’m really excited about that class.

• I was tracking my data for my math 1 inclusion test, and the numbers were looking weird. Therefore, I stopped after a while in order to wait to ask my co-teacher today. Sure enough, I had been working with the wrong test. FML. The good news: I have the correct test now, and I don’t think it should take me too long since I’ve already kind of gone through the process and have a system for myself.

• Today: I did paperwork all day. I have Pandora on my phone, so we listened to my Jackson 5 radio station for a good part of the day. After my phone battery went down too much, another teacher turned on his iTunes. A different teacher brought donuts for everybody (Krispy Kreme!). After fumbling through how to look through the folders, I started to get a lot more efficient towards the end of the day. I will be seeing the folders a lot throughout the year, so I’m happy to see that I’m getting better at working with them.

I think that’s mostly it. There were ups and downs as always. Some of the students who I’ve had problems with are starting to warm up to me. I think the positive system is working more and more. I think the tickets worked especially well for the students when they were actually able to turn them in for things; therefore, I think the concept of the tickets will be less abstract for them in the future.

As I said, I started tracking my data this week—it does not look too good. The good news, however, is that the data will help me to pinpoint the things that I need to do better. I am still optimistic that it will be a great year. Although I am not excited about how effective I have been so far, I am excited about how effective I can become by learning from my mistakes and continuing to work hard and more efficiently.

In other news, I am the co-faculty advisor for the new mock trial team at my school. We had our first meeting this week. I’m really looking forward to it and will talk more about it as it gets underway.

So yeah, the week was quite busy. There were some tough things, but I had plenty of moments when I realized how much I love being able to work with these students. Both exciting and challenging, these kids give me a definitive reason to get out of bed each morning.

Nope--I'm still not a student

Today marked the beginning of the sixth week. It seems as if each Monday, I have to get reacquainted with waking up at 6am. Therefore, I was quite tired when I got to school. After a cup of coffee, however, I found my groove. I found myself thinking, “I love this job!” when I was working with students in my first block class. I also really enjoyed my physics class today. Everything was going pretty well.

I have stopped wearing my badge since I figured most people were recognizing me as a teacher. I also wore a full suit a couple of times, so I felt like I looked a little bit older. Yet, a few times today, I was walking through the hallway (with just a tie and my trusty clipboard), and students looked back at me and said, “I thought you were a student.” Maybe it’s time to bring the badge back? Maybe I’ll just throw on a blazer tomorrow…

I could not get through the day without at least a little drama, though. Of course, it came from my last period class, which happens to be an inclusion Math II class (for mainly sophomores). I had to go get one of the assistant principals to talk to a girl in my class who was being openly defiant (basically, I asked her to do something, and she refused). Besides that, the class was a little rowdy, but they still worked hard the entire period. I got some time to really work with students, and they seemed to be catching on and getting excited when they got the answers correct. Those are the moments that really make my day.

So, all in all, it’s a Monday; therefore, I’m really tired. I also have a ton of more work I need to do. I’m still trying to find my rhythm. But, it was a good day, and I hope the week continues well.

Yeah, I called your mom in the middle of class -- now what? A ticket?

Wow. So many things have happened this week. It has been a relatively good week, but there have also been some rather interesting things (like breaking up a brief hallway fight—don’t worry, I’m okay!).

As I mentioned in earlier posts, I began a new investment system this week. The first thing we do in my study skills and social skills classes is recite the class affirmation. Right now, I am leading it, and they are repeating after me. However, I let them know that they will step up as leaders in the classroom and lead it in a couple of weks—there is a prize if students choose to memorize it. In case anybody is interested, here is the affirmation:

I am a scholar.
I know that I am not perfect.
Yet, I can continuously grow as a person through hard work and self reflection.
I cannot control everything around me, and I know that life is not entirely fair.
However, I am in control of myself.
I can control my actions, my attitude, and my sense of possibility.

Today, I make a choice.
I choose to exercise control over my life and push myself to my highest potential.
I cannot do it alone.
I will seek help when necessary and offer help when able.
Today, I make the choice to work hard and be a good citizen, team player, and human being.

I am a scholar.
Today, I make the choice to be me.

For the class competition, the entire class can move up or down a chart that I created based on group actions. However, the entire group can be affected by individuals. As individuals, the students still can get positive reinforcements through individual tickets. I am hoping that these positive consequences can help some of the students that have become almost desensitized to negative consequences.

Today showed a little promise, although the system is by no means solid. In my social skills class, just about everybody came in on time; therefore, I thanked them, and I moved the class up on the chart. I also gave each individual, who was on time, a ticket. We then started off the class with our affirmation. After that, we began to work on the test. Then the distractions started.

One of the students (a member of the big three) decided he wanted to keep making noises. I told him that he needed to stop. Determined not to keep doing negative consequences, I went positive—that is, I started thanking the other students for their behavior and giving out tickets. This kind of helped, but other students got a little distracted at times. However, I continued to thank those who were staying on task and give out tickets. Those other students, for the most part, tried to stay on task because they wanted to keep getting tickets.

I did a mixture of ignoring him (I knew he just wanted attention), and telling him that he needed to stop disrespecting his fellow students and colleagues, who were trying to take a test. I became even more determined to keep using positive consequences when he asked me if he could just go take the test somewhere else—basically, he wanted to get kicked out! I was determined to keep him in the classroom, but it did get hard.

Eventually, I actually called his mom while in class. I apologized for having to call her during the day, and then I told her what was going on and asked her to speak to him. Now, the student wasn’t happy I called his mom, and actually called me “gay” when he saw that I was calling his mom. After he talked to his mom, he straightened up a bit, but he still had a few outbursts. Yet, it helped to calm the other students down when I asked if any of them wanted to speak to one of their parents, too.

At the end of class, I acknowledged that it might be frustrating for the students to move down the chart because of only a couple of people (throughout class, a girl was fake crying and screaming, “I want a ticket”—again, I did a mixture of ignoring and addressing her since she definitely was just trying to get attention). I told them that they still had a chance to win, but they had to talk to their fellow students. I tried to impress upon them that they have to work as a team; yet, they would still be rewarded for individual behavior with tickets. Moreover, I mostly just kept thanking those students for being mature and respecting their classmates.

It’s not perfect right now, and I’m not sure how it will end up; however, I did see how a majority of the students reacted positively—even some of those that I had problems with in previous classes. Only time and consistency will tell.

So excited about the weekend! Tomorrow, I’m going to educator’s day at the zoo!

Rumors, shame, and traffic lights

Today was a pretty good day in terms of instruction. I worked in a small group with some students in one of my math inclusion classes, and the students seemed to appreciate the extra review. One student even volunteered to come before school for some extra tutoring tomorrow morning. I love feeling like I am actually being clear in my instruction and helping students to have those “aha” moments.

On another note, kids are a trip. This one student said this to me at the end of my first period math class: “Mr. Seegars, I saw you at the football game this weekend with that cheerleading coach. Are y’all going together?” Shocked that the student asked this so bluntly, I then said no, added that I would not discuss my personal life anyway, and said that we were there with other teachers too. She responded, “Mhm, don’t lie to me—I know y’all are dating.” I laughed and said, “We were all there as a group, but I am still not discussing my personal life with you.” I laughed about it with some other teachers later—apparently, students try to make up relationships between faculty members all the time. I guess I should not have been surprised since I was asked last week whether or not I have kids.

The rest of the day went relatively smoothly. I stayed a little late in my physics class in order to help some students with work. I had to catch myself when I started to lose patience since I was hungry (my lunch period had begun). I was about to just go to lunch, but I saw the student was really trying. I was very happy that I kept my patience because the student was eventually able to understand the material.

My last period class also went well. There was just one problem. This one girl basically said she could not stand me and really would not let me work with her. It was frustrating because I wanted to help her, but I could not figure out a way to dispel her attitude. Unfortunately, and I am ashamed to admit this, I actually just gave up on her after she kept verbalizing her hostility. I just felt like I did not have time to sit there and worry about her when there were other students literally calling me to their desks to help them with work. Yet, as a Special Education teacher, she was one of the students I was in there specifically to serve.

Well, after about 10 minutes, I realized that I could not give up on her. So I went back over to her area of the room in order to check on her. Generally, when I check on my students, I look at everybody around them so that they do not feel singled out. Also, the other students in the classroom do not really need to know who is special education.

So, as I passed by the desks where she was and eventually got to her desk, she covered up her work and made a face. I told her (as we had discussed before) that this was unacceptable. But, in my head, I was at a loss for what to do. I still am. I am going to call her parents and hopefully figure out some way to get her to open up to me. I know that I cannot simply make an excuse by saying she does not want my help.

This experience taught me a couple of things. First, it shows me how human I am. During my TFA interviews and throughout my training, I always talked about how much I would just “relentlessly pursue results” no matter what; however, I found myself giving up on a student. Yes, it was a mistake. But I can see how easy it was for me to make that mistake just because I was frustrated.

Secondly, it reminded me of how important it is for us to “relentlessly pursue” those results. Even when I think a student does not want the help, I have to find a way to supply that service to that student. I cannot control what happens outside of the classroom or whether or not she hates my guts, but what I do have control over is whether or not I know that I am trying my best to provide her with an opportunity for learning. I can do better.

On a different note, the highlight of my day was when I barely made it through a traffic light on my way home after I got off the freeway. You have to love the little things. ☺

"To bake, or not to bake?" and other rap songs in the making

The end of the fourth week.

Today, like any other day, was full of ups and downs. Teaching is great because it really helps you to appreciate the positive things around you. If you do not, then it’s easy to get disillusioned. Things can go bad. But when they are good, they feel very good—and you remember why it’s all worth it.

My day started off well. I ran a math jeopardy game in my first period class in order for them to get practice working on some of the concepts before their assessments next week. The categories included topics such as functions, substitution, and graphs. I also included a “surprise” category and another one called “My patnas n dem” (the name of a local rap hit). In the latter category, I asked questions about public figures and role models. The prize for the game was that the winning group would be able to decide what snack I would bring the class next week. They decided on cupcakes. I wonder if I should buy or bake…

When I went into my next class, things seemed to be normal. The next thing I know, I saw like 5 cops outside in the hallway—one with a bulletproof vest on. Then they started running down the hallway. Intense. I do not know what was going on, but it did not seem like something I wanted to be close to.

During my planning period, I was in a pretty good mood as I jammed Pandora, set up my classroom, and kept thinking about the three day weekend. As my social skills class started, it seemed like it would be good. The students were working on the warm up. And then, well, old problems resurfaced. A final student came in late, and the big three were reunited.

Things happened. I had to give the “I’m disappointed and this is not a joke” speech to the class, followed up by the “do not waste your time and stop playing games with your lives” addendum. Still, I ended up having to talk to a student outside. He made a threatening move at another teacher when her back was turned, so I had to send him out. I definitely will not tolerate disrespect like that. Another student decided he wanted to keep having the last word and almost threatening me. I put him out too. Another student decided he wanted to keep using loud inappropriate language regardless of consequences. He had to go as well. I think they are all suspended now.

After that, class was actually great. The students worked together in groups and presented to the rest of the class. They did try to figure out how old I was again. They also tried to ask about my dating life (“Are you married?” and “Do you like interracial relationships?” were two of their questions). I simply told them that I was not going to discuss my dating life with them and that they did not need to know how old I was. When they asked me if I had any kids, I said no, but then a girl said, “We are your kids.” Another girl said, “nuh-uh!” I laughed, and then we moved on. A girl also said she would pray for me again when she saw me start to dance. I also started trying to make an educational rap for them. They did not like the versions I tried out today, but I will have one ready for them next week!

They are a good group of kids, and I really enjoy working with them. Some of the students are doing a job placement program, so I won’t actually have them after Labor Day. Hopefully, I’ll still see them around so I can see if they’re making good progress.

I am going to my school’s football game tonight. We have won both of our games this season so far, so hopefully we will keep that record! Time to take a nap before the game. Exhausted.

Even 54 year-old preaching teachers get overwhelmed...

I was overwhelmed today. It got so bad that some teachers saw me at the end of the day and had to ask me what was wrong. We had a departmental meeting for special education, and I basically looked confused the whole time. There is a lot of stuff to do, and I have not been able to really organize my life around all of the tasks at hand.

I put those thoughts aside and went into my last period (social skills) class. We had a great period two days ago, so I was really looking forward to today—I was excited about my lesson. Twenty-five minutes after the period began, I found myself putting two students out. I was not happy about it, and I know that it is partially my fault. Yes, the students were disrespectful. Yes, they moved through the consequences. However, if I had a better investment plan, I probably would not have to move through negative consequences so much. I know I have said that I need a better investment plan before, so I am going make sure I put my actions where my mouth is. This weekend, I will DEFINITELY put together this new investment plan so that I can have more positive incentives to balance my negative consequences. I tried to do a lot of stuff with building positive class culture with students, but I need some more tangible, concrete things for them.

The day was not completely lost. The latter part of my social skills class was a lot of fun. At one point, I actually started “preaching” about how great it is to understand the main idea of something. I was not really preaching (I’m not trying to get sued…), but it went something like this:

Me: (Walking back and forward with my hands raised) You know, I asked myself a questions the other day. I said, ‘Self?” and my self said, “hmm?” and I said, ‘Mr. Seegars, do you know how important the main idea is?”

Student: Well

Me: Hey Hey Hey!

Student: Well!

Me: And my self told me that the main idea is a beautiful thing. It said, “Mr. Seegars, it is an important thing.” The main idea helps us understand the point of what somebody is telling us.

Student: Mhmmmmm (singing)

Other students: Mr. Seegars, can you stop—you are not a preacher!

Me: Hey Hey Hey! I’m feeling the main idea all over me! Now, y’all better pay attention to this part of the lesson!

Students: We are! Can you stop preaching, please! You and preaching don’t go together!
Me: Hey Hey Hey! Alright, as long as y’all know how important this is

Student: I’m going to pray for you Mr. Seegars

Me: Alright, alright. Let’s continue with our main idea graphic organizer…


That was basically my way of trying to get them excited about the lesson. I don’t know if it worked or not, but I think they were grateful to do anything (including learn about main idea) as long as I stopped “preaching.” By any means necessary?

Oh yeah, they also tried to debate how old I am. The possibilities they stated: 26, 32, and 54. I guess the blazers that I started wearing to school in order to look older have worked. ☺

Anyway, after school, I was exhausted and still overwhelmed from my meeting earlier. I had a meeting with my TFA Program Director after I left work. It was very productive, and she told me that we are going to work on prioritizing things so that I could become more efficient. It was a very good meeting, and she is always very supportive and helpful. I have a crazy amount of work to do, but I still got into my car smiling.

Monday -- the new Friday?

I did not want to go to work today. After I signed in, I asked a coworker, “Is it Friday yet?” His reply: “No.” I almost cried.

My mood this morning stemmed partly from my poor work ethic this weekend and partly from thoughts about where I am as a teacher right now. For one, I am still trying to regain my college work ethic. It still is just not there. During the week, I work hard; however, I am so exhausted by the time I get to the weekends, that I can barely do any work before Sunday evening. I tried to get ahead this weekend, but I still ended up staying up late Sunday night getting stuff done.

I wanted to get ahead this weekend because I do not think I am working nearly as efficiently as I should be right now. Since I just got two new inclusion courses, I am trying to wrap my head around those. At the same time, I still do not quite like how I am executing my lessons for my study skills class. I have two math levels (actually three now, since one student is Algebra 2), and I kind of try to teach two different courses in the same class. On top of that, I had to kind of create a curriculum for my social skills class. While I think it is good, I still second-guess myself sometimes.

So, I arrived at school tired from being up late and worried about my study skills and social skills classes. My study skills class was not what I wanted it to be. They kept students in homeroom for an extra 25 minutes because students came with the wrong type of backpacks. They all have to wear see-through or clear backpacks. They are really cracking down on it now. But anyway, I had 25 minutes less to work with, and I felt like I just rushed through things. I was a little frustrated, and the kids looked a little confused. It definitely was not my best work.

I then had my first biology class. The students in there seemed pretty good, and I actually understood what was going on…What a change from my days in high school biology!

During my planning period, I lamented to a fellow TFA co-worker that I felt inadequate, and that I felt lost. We had a talk, and he told me about stuff that was going on in his classroom. After a good, frank discussion, I left feeling that I needed to do something different in my last period class.

I went back to my room and changed all the desks around and put them into a circle. This may seem like a small thing, but it actually had a really positive effect on that class today. I ran part of my class period as a debate (whether or not education is a privilege or right), and the students really got into it! We also did some work on writing and reading. We mostly worked on being able to express our thoughts coherently and cohesively (ironic, since I spend lots of time rambling on this blog).

I felt great after the period. My slow trudge this morning transformed into a cheerful stride as I walked to my car after work. I was happy to be there.

I got into my car, jammed T.I. and Rihanna's "Life your Life," and drove home.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

The title is a quote from Walt Whitman's, "Song of Myself."

When I woke up this morning, I was tired. When I began to eat breakfast, I was content. When I straightened my tie and looked in the mirror, I smiled. As I drove to work, I was relaxed. When I signed into work, I felt nothing. When I got to my classroom, I just wanted to drink my tea. When the bell rang, I got anxious. When the students came in, I got excited. When they left, I was relieved. By the time the day ended, I was relieved, happy, and tired. Right now, I am exhausted.

At this point, my life is an emotional roller coaster. My mood shifts as I attempt to battle the raw emotions that may overcome me with understanding and a process of self reflection that has been instilled in me by my parents, mentors, friends, and just plain old life experience. Yes, I get angry. I get mad. I get confused. I get annoyed. I get ticked off. I get all of that and more. It is almost impossible not to.

If my students and I are going to have a successful year, then I have to keep an optimistic attitude. Does this mean that I cannot get mad, angry, or frustrated? No, it does not. Rather, it means that I need to productively channel those feelings in order to pursue our goals even more relentlessly.

While this may seem incredibly challenging (and it is), it is not completely uphill. For between those moments of anger and after those cries of frustration, there is excitement—there are epiphanies, “Aha!” moments, and the smile of a student in the hallway as you start to build those relationships with them. There is joy.

I say all of this because today was full of happiness and frustration. I had to pull a kid out of my class and talk to her after almost getting into a fight in my classroom. One kid openly defied me when he did not want to give me his cell phone, so I had to send him to the infractions room. A kid even passed gas during class. That started an uproar, of course. One student came late after being in the assistant principal office—he had been wandering the hallway because he did not want to come to my class.

On the other hand, once that student came in, he was very helpful. He even helped other students understand some of the material. Though two students were in detention, I had the opportunity to get to know them better and continue to build a relationship with them. When asking my students about their goals, they all talked about graduating from high school and going onto college. Music to my ears.

This was all great. It is my job to help them get there. I had to stop and take long breaths multiple times today, but I also got a chance to stop and think about what my students deserved in life. I am exhausted right now. I really do not feel like doing any work. Yet, my strength is renewed by my sense of purpose. My fatigue is countered by a sense of urgency. My frustration is met with the realization that I am going to make mistakes, but I just need to make sure I learn from them—in a word, humility. I can do better.

"And these tend inward to me, and I tend outward to them,
And such as it is to be of these more or less I am,
And of these one and all I weave the song of myself."

-Whitman, "Song of Myself"

Biology, Physics, and Parents

Today, I was told that I will be adding two classes to my inclusion schedule: biology and physics.

I had no idea what to say, so I just kind of laughed, took a deep breath, and said, “okay” rather hesitantly. For those of you who do not know, science is definitely not my favorite or best subject. In fact, I have had nightmares about science tests before. Yet, there is something about teaching and knowing that those students can’t take any excuses that gives me some strength. I’ve grown to love math a lot more over the past month, and hopefully it will be the same for science. If not, well then I’ll have to suck it up and make it work.

On another note, I called the parents of the students who I assigned detention yesterday. I began the conversation by introducing myself as their child’s teacher. I decided to start off with something positive about the students so that the parents would not think I was calling just to complain. I then explained my tardy policy to the parents, and said that I needed to hold the student after school one day for thirty minutes. The conversations went well, and I let them know that they could call me on my cell phone. It is my hope that this will be the start of some great partnerships between me and the families of my students. I need the trust, support, and counseling of the parents—I sure as hell won’t be able to achieve my fullest potential in the classroom without them.

At 4:45pm, I got into my car and SCREAMED out of frustration...

It was that kind of day. It did not start that way, though. My day can be broken into two parts:

1.) Good, funny, and awkward
2.) Bad, not funny, awkward

Let’s talk about the good part of the day first.

My first period class was going well. I had students working in different groups. Suddenly, an announcement came on from the principal. He was telling teachers to remember to make sure students adhered to the dress code. Apparently, the “guys are doing better than the girls.” Then he came back on, seconds later, and said that teachers should be on the look out for two girls wearing plaid shirts and some “tights or something.” He continued, “Some of the costumes people are wearing to school are completely inappropriate.” He told teachers to look out for those two girls because they had been sent to the infractions room for not following the dress code, but they had left; therefore, they obviously “could not follow directions.” I don’t know why, but this announcement was absolutely hilarious to me.

Next, a student who had not been to my class at all this year finally came in. After a conversation with him about why he should be in school, I finally got him to do some work. I felt really good about our conversation, and I was happy to see him working with the other students. Then, I heard an announcement over the loud speaker saying that I was supposed to be chaperoning a field trip. What?! Pause.

This is a reminder that you should ALWAYS read every email from your boss/administration carefully.

Okay, back to the story. Luckily, I share a room with another teacher, and she was in there doing work. I explained the homework to the students, and rushed out. The field trip was actually really good. It was an exhibit showcasing how African Americans have made a huge impact on American society and culture throughout our history. Imagine that: something about Black folk outside of February! I see you Atlanta!!

Okay, I’m not going to speak about the bad part of the day that much because I have ranted enough about it; however, I’ll give brief highlights:
• I had to go pull two students into my class who didn’t want to be there—like I literally went into the hall, chased them down, and told them to get into my classroom.
• I gave three students “mandatory tutorial” (detention) for coming to class with unexcused tardies (this includes the two students I had to go get); however, these students thought it was just a suggestion and I had to make it clear to them that it was not.
• These three students continued to disturb my class despite the fact that I went up my consequences list, and eventually had to tell one student to step outside.
• That student then ran away down the hall—only to be brought back by a hall monitor 10 minutes later.
• Another student got up and left 5 minutes before the period was over because he did not want to get his detention.
• The third student that had detention crumpled up the paper, and ran as he left the room.
• The student that was returned to my class threw his detention on the floor and ran away as well.
• The phone numbers that I have for them are wrong, so I was unable to call parents tonight. I have to get the correct numbers tomorrow so that I can call their parents as I told them I would.

All of this happened while I was being observed by my district instructional coach. We had a good debriefing afterward, though. Positive: she said the lesson plan was good, and that I was consistent and calm with my consequences.

Still, I definitely need to figure out something different to do in that classroom. Although most of the students behave well (or at least improve their behavior after consequences), I am having some problems with those three students. It would be easy to just blame it on their attitudes; however, while that might be part of it, it is still on me to figure out a way to work with them and help them reach their full potential. I have seen each of them do something right, and I’m sure there is still a lot where that came from—I just have to do a better job of reaching for it.

Coffee, Lemon Chicken, and students who run into doors

The beginning of week three.

It took all of my energy to get out of bed this morning. I had to stop at a McDonalds for an egg McMuffin and coffee. I guess I just had a case of the Mondays (yay “Office Space”!). Anyway, by the time I had my coffee and ate my breakfast, I began to look forward to the day. I guess that’s how the “real world” works.

School went well today. Nothing too major. I bragged to my coworkers that I made lemon chicken this weekend. They were proud of me! They said that I am going to turn into a chef. Well, I guess I am getting there bit by bit. Though I made the chicken, I used boxed mashed potatoes and frozen vegetables. This is a long way from my hamburger helper dinners that I started out with. I am already tired of eating sandwiches and Doritos for lunch. I think I will buy some hot wings this week…

Today was my day in my inclusion classes. My first period class went well, and, per usual, my last period class had some interesting moments. Where should I begin?

Let’s see, like many of the other problems that take place inside (or rather, outside) of the classroom, today’s problems stemmed from the fact that there is no door to the classroom. A few students in the classroom next door had gotten put out of class, and they were making loud noises in the hall. Between working with students, I had to tell them to quiet down. As if that was not annoying enough, they decided to do something else even more ridiculous.

I was working on graphing transformations of quadratic equations with some students when I noticed two boys (who are not in my class) come INSIDE of the classroom with their fists up having a play fight. Pause.

I would like to take a moment to thank TFA for training me to take a deep breath during moments like this. I was so shocked that I almost said something that I might have regretted.
Okay, back to the story. I jumped up and opened my mouth; however, I then paused and took a deep breath—weirdly, I think my mouth stayed open that entire time. I just walked toward them with my eyes and mouth both wide open, and finally said get out of my classroom. I then just stood outside and stared at them before telling them that I better not ever see them do that again.

Then, I heard a loud BOOM! I saw a boy run from around the corner. My first instinct was to run toward the noise to figure out what was going on. I noticed that the boy who was running turned around and went in the same direction as me—he was also laughing. When I turned the corner, I saw a boy lying on the ground in front of a door. The loud noise I heard was from him running into a door. I was flabbergasted. As soon as I found out he was alright, I asked him, “Where are you supposed to be?” He just laughed and said “in class.” I simply told him to “get there.”

On the other hand, both classes went well. I talked to the student today who cursed at me last week. I told him that I did not keep grudges and that I was there to make sure he succeeded. I was happy to see that he was doing work today. I think tomorrow will be a good day of instruction also.

Steve Urkel and getting cursed at

So, I was going to wait until tomorrow to blog again, but I had to write an entry today. The day started off well, especially considering my end to yesterday. In the first class I taught, I was trying to explain to kids the properties of functions by imitating Steve Urkel (the input) going into the cloning machine (the equation) and coming out as Stephan (the output)! When I jumped out of the “machine,” I even tried to make my voice deeper. They started to understand it a little more, and I was happy to finally feel a sense of comfort as I tried to come up with creative ways to teach students.

Then, the final period of the day happened. I am not going to really go into the story in too much detail. Basically, I saw that a student had not been during his work throughout class, so I asked him to come talk to me outside. I just wanted to see what was going on. He decided that he did not want to walk outside. After a few more requests and involving a hall monitor, the student eventually got upset to the point in which he said in reference to me: “I’m gonna beat his a**”.

My co-teacher immediately told him to get out, and when he got up I noticed that he was a good deal taller than me. I told him that he definitely would not be talking to me like that (probably the first time this year I’ve really raised my voice, since I usually find lowering it more effective). I had to tell the students to sit back down as they tried to see what was going on while he left the room. This was probably since he was still verbalizing how angry he was with me as well as pacing back and forward. The security guard eventually came, and it was handled.

What a way to end the day.

Crazy two days...wow

Wow. Yesterday was interesting, but I told myself that I would only write every other day because I was tired. If I would have known what type of day I was going to have today, then I would have saved one entire entry just dedicated to today. I am going to briefly go over some of the highlights from yesterday, and then I am going to talk about the craziness that made today the hardest and most challenging of my days as a teacher so far.

Yesterday was pretty straightforward: I had my inclusion classes, so I co-taught Math 1 and Math 2. The interesting moment came when a student implied that I was not Black. Wow. I mean, you hear that it happens, and the possibility that it might happen definitely came up in training; however, it did not really register that it would happen until it happened. Before I addressed the student, my co-teacher checked her and told her that she better not ever be disrespectful like that again and made her apologize. I made sure to show the students that the comment did not affect emotionally; rather than taking it personally, I viewed it as disrespectful interaction that was unacceptable. At the end of class, I smiled and said, “Power to the people, Sista!” as she left the classroom. She smiled.

Later on in the period, a student walked into the classroom (this is the one without an actual door) and just sat down. I approached and asked him where he was supposed to be, and then told him to leave the classroom. As my co-teacher also started walking over, he said, “that man got a big dot on his head” and then ran away. I started to run after him, and then thought that I should stay in the classroom and continue with the student with whom I was working. After two more seconds, though, I decided that I was tired of kids saying stuff and running away; therefore, I stepped into the hallway and asked the hall monitor to get his name. Unfortunately, he had already made it down the hallway. I returned to the student I was working with before the distraction. Seeing her get the problems correct made me happy again, and I gave her a high five in order to celebrate her success.

Those were some of the main highlights from yesterday. Now, let me talk about today.

There were just too many things going on, so I’m going to try to move more quickly through them that so that this post does not go on forever. Like I said, this was the first day that I felt that I had a “bad” day, but hey, it happens.

I started off with my first period study skills class. I had to pull two kids out to talk to them about attitudes. I actually had to put one of the kids out of my class. I felt really bad about this because I really hate putting students out of class. It takes them away from instruction, and they just get further and further behind. Yet, in terms of the situation, it was the next step on my list of consequences and I had to address the behavior. I do need to find a better way to invest the students in the class. Some of the students are really invested, whereas other students feel that they do not need the extra help in math.

Now, let’s fast forward to the end of the day: my social skills class. I was actually really excited about this class. When they came in, I had jazz playing (yay Pandora!), and I was welcoming the students. Besides the standards, warm up, and instructional agenda posted on the board, I also had the words, “Hi. My name is Mr. Seegars, and I am excited to be here!” This was a play off of an exercise that we did the first day in which each student stood up, said his or her name, and said that they were happy to be there. We then each clapped and said “Hi [insert name]”. Corny? Yes. Did it get them energize? Yes, too. ☺

So, today they were coming in with that on the board, the jazz music, and me welcoming them with a smile. The class got off to a great start. I told them that I would be giving them individual reading diagnostics in order to see where they were. I then remarked that I had to know where they were currently in order for me to tailor things toward their instructional levels so that we could make some big reading and writing gains for the year. They were receptive to this, and so it seemed like it would be a good class period. I started off their exercise with the Declaration of Independence (they worked on that while they were not being tested), and then began calling students up individually to start the reading diagnostic. Things were going smoothly…at first.

After about 25 minutes, there was a knock on the door. It was a student, escorted by two teachers, who was late to my classroom. They were telling him that he needed to be there, but he did not want to be there. I welcomed him, and told him to please come in. He did not want to. He came back a little later (escorted again), and then a teacher came and helped him get him situated. Long story short, the next thing I know, a student was getting into it with him, I had to hold her back from getting into a physical altercation with him. In the meantime, another new student (also late), was instigating; therefore, I had to call him outside while I talked to the other girl. As I calmed her down and tried to figure out what was going on, I had to call another student outside. Then I had to go in the classroom and manage a shouting match between new and old students. It was as if everything we had discussed in terms of classroom culture was not sticking. By the end of the period, two of the students got up and left out of the classroom, and all I could do was just say, “truancy.”

At the end of the period, I had another conversation about classroom culture with the students. I explained that some people may have offended some students in some way but that they had to trust me to deal with—they could not take things into their own hands. It is my duty, I explained, to make the classroom not only a productive learning environment, but also a safe environment. Needless to say, I did not finish any of the diagnostics. I ended the classroom feeling worn out and terrible. I felt like it was just out of control.

No day is perfect, and I will definitely learn from my mistakes of today. Although I thought I had great classroom culture, it was more fragile than I expected. I think for this class, just like the study skills class, I need rethink some of my investment strategies and come up with more ways to positively reinforce the students.

Until next time, peace.