There's a Lily in the Valley

Because of the flood, we had the day off yesterday. It was good to have a break, although I am definitely keeping the families that had tremendous damage to their homes, as well as those who lost loved ones, in my prayers.

Today was another day of paperwork, although it definitely had its funny moments. While going through the red folders, a coworker of mine sang to herself next to me. Now, if you know me, you know that I tend to burst out singing randomly. Since I am new to the job, I have been trying to contain myself so that I don’t seem like a crazy guy singing through the hallway.

This restraint, for better or worse, has been rather unsuccessful. I can be heard singing alone in my classroom, in the middle of a lesson, or even while walking down the hall. So when I heard my coworker singing, I joined in without even thinking. Pretty soon, I began leading a rendition of “Lilly in the Valley”:

“There’s a Lily, my God, in the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Oh, oh, Lily—in the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Lily! In the valley.
Bright as the morning star.

Amen. Amen. Amen!”

It was a ton of fun, and I remembered how much I miss singing in a choir. I also have not touched a piano since I left Harvard. I am planning on starting voice lessons again, but I have not gotten around to completing my research for a teacher.

Today, I met with one of my inclusion teachers in order to discuss the students in our class. It felt so great to be able to focus our conversation around data. Even though all the numbers are not good, the data really helped direct the discussion. Furthermore, the data helped me to be more confident in myself when suggesting solutions. Although I am usually a pretty confident person, I have had problems being confident with some of my co-teachers. One of the difficulties of inclusion is that I feel like I was going into another teacher’s “territory.” It is not necessarily something the co-teacher says; rather, I think it has a lot to do with me still acclimating to a new environment. But with the data, and after building a relationship with the teacher and students, I have been able to (better) understand my place in the classroom and feel more comfortable advocating for my students.

After work, I went to a workshop at the TFA office focused on mental health and dealing with stress. I think it was very helpful. I feel the need to sing again, to play the piano, or get on some sort of stage and perform. The title of this blog alludes to how happy singing and performing has made me. I love teaching, but it has definitely had its toll on me at times. It is so easy to feel inadequate and overburdened.

I cannot work the same way I did in college. I cannot operate on extremely little sleep like I did in college. I cannot stay up all night, take a nap in the middle of the following day, and then get back to studying. I have to be full of energy with each lesson and with each student.

I need to sing again.